A (hopefully) quick post on telling people..
Operator? Please connect me to Bali.
So as a bridge between the the diagnosis and surgery date, I decided I would start telling a limited number of people outside of my parents. This was a difficult and conscious decision on my part. The rest of my family and friends knew I had an infection of some sort and it had kept me from several events, including a trip to Denver for a Bachelor party. I knew telling anyone would be hard, but I figured who to tell and when would come naturally.
My parents gave me one piece of advice on the subject, "This is yours to tell. Tell everyone or tell no one. It's really up to you."
Mentally, I began to compartmentalize a list. Though the surgery wasn't major, the implications were more broad. I decided I would need to tell my brothers and my sister before the surgery. With a limited amount of time, my sister became an impossibility given her living in Ireland so I started with my older brother.
I thought I was prepared for the conversation, to be honest. I had gone through it in my head enough times to have it down pat, cold and medical. When he picked up my call I asked him if now was a good time to chat. I cracked a joke I don't recall and then I told him. His initial response was, "Are you serious?" and that is when my voice cracked. I continued to border on tears as I explained to him the ultrasound, the consult and the surgery I would be getting early the next morning. It was hard and still, as many times as I went through it in my head, I don't know why. He had a few questions about the implications and I made sure he understood we would know more after the surgery. Before we disconnected, he made sure to tell me he, his wife and the kids would say a special prayer that night and into the week for me.
After hanging up, I broke down. It took me a few moments to get myself back together, clear my nose and breathe. It wasn't sadness or fear, I don't think. It was more like exasperations and exhaustion. There was no good way to break the news to someone that cares about you and who knows even less than you do about what's going on. Most times, I would pour myself a Jameson to calm the nerves but that was a pre-op "no-no".
The next call was to my younger brother who was on vacation. That call was easier after the first. He was calm and supporting and wanted to know as much about the prognosis as I could tell him. I reiterated we would know more coming out of the surgery, but that initial signs were all good, all things considered. I made a joke about being much more like Lance Armstrong now and we agreed to touch base after the surgery. We agreed telling my sister, a Doctor in Ireland, as soon as was possible the next day was best as well.
That was about all I could take that night. As I suggested in my previous post, as early as surgery was, sleep was difficult to come by. I had done everything I thought I could to prepare but the mind still races with ridiculous ideas and far off possibilities.
